The Southeastern Center for Quality of Life Adjustment, Inc.

Presents

Fourteen Steps to Balance

BY

JIM EARLY
Law Office of Jim Early
Winston-Salem, NC 

 

A sample of the steps that will help your Quality of Life:

STEP ONE:

I believe that you must develop a good strong and lasting relationship with God.  I do not think that one can be truly happy without developing a strong relationship with God.  Since the beginning of time, man has been mindful that he needs strength greater than his own.  It is not my suggestion that one develop a strong spiritual relationship with God to afford one a crutch, nor do I suggest such a relationship to afford one a universal Santa Claus.  Man has always hoped that there was such a superior strength and being out there and has sought to worship many different gods or please many different gods in an effort to improve his lot in life.  This is not that of which I speak.  That of which I speak is a relationship with God that allows one to call upon a strength and wisdom greater than his own for guidance and strength as one traverses the journey that is life.  This can enable one to obtain an inner peace knowing that he or she is not alone in the fight.  It also aids in decision making if you truly believe that you are being guided in your decisions.  This is not deferment or blame-shifting belief if things go wrong. Bad things happen to good people, they happen to bad people as well, and good things happen to good people, they happen to bad people as well.  Such is life.  Belief in God will not afford one an insurance policy against bad things that could happen to them or the lives of those they love.  It is however, an enabler for the believer to handle these situations and get on with their lives when adversity occurs.  Also, the fellowship of other believers is a strengthening agent.  It is a joy to have someone who cares to share with during your time of need.  I lost my best friend and hunting companion, my father, while I was on my honeymoon.  Never have I experienced such a high and such a low in such a short time as that experience.  Not long after, I lost my baby sister, terminated a sixteen-year law partnership, went through a three-year bitterly contested divorce, lost my mother, had a triple by-pass from stress, went through a second divorce and experienced the rejection of my three children, whom I cherished, as the result of my having been the one that terminated the marriage to their mother.  As everything mentioned since the first divorce occurred within a span of ten years, I had quite a lot on my plate from 1984 through 1994.  This ten year journey brought many moments of darkness, despair and depression.  It also produced a level of stress that I felt at times would cause me to physically implode.  I believe that I was able to survive the journey through this tunnel of darkness, and ultimately find the light at the end, only because of a deep and abiding faith in God along with support from fellow believers who cared enough to see the pain and hold out a hand. 

The Good News is, if someone could have shown me all the pain, heartache, rejection by loved-ones and stress that I endured and also been able to show how unbelievably happy and at peace I am today, I would have gladly signed on for the journey without any hesitation.

 

STEP EIGHT:

SPEND TIME WITH YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS.  Schedule your time so that your mate, children and friends have part of your waking hours.  If you are to have a good relationship with your mate, children and friends, you must make time for them and guard it jealously.  We are all aware, to live indoors and eat regularly, we must work unless we are the beneficiaries of a substantial trust fund or have recently won the lottery.  We must not let work consume all of our days and most of our energy.  It is easy to drift into the role of the maker of broken promises.  Occasionally, things beyond our control may cause this to happen.  But, never, ever, let it become your lifestyle.  Mates, children and friends all need to know that they can count on us.  If we can not be counted on to keep our word, to be there when we are needed, then it is not an unusual phenomenon for those who need us to find those who will. 

You will never have the opportunity to relive the time that you did not spend with your children.  You may have every good intention of making it up to them at a later time, but events in their young lives, large and small, will not wait for you.  Nor will they be repeated.  You may not be able to make every occasion, just be sure that when you must miss one, that it was the only call you could make and not a result of your procrastination or poor prioritizing.

To maintain a good relationship with your mate, I suggest that you date till the grave.  I suggest this if you have been together a year or thirty years.  When we are dating, we seek to please the other and spend our time and efforts toward that end.  If the other person has the same feelings toward us and spends his or her time toward that end, what a great time will be had together.  When we are dating we remember the little things that say, "I Love You", that have a small/large price tag or no price tag at all.  Make the time for cuddling and a back rub in the morning instead of sleeping until the last moment and panic runs when an alarm sounds.  If you have small children and privacy is at a premium, make time for candlelight dinners, champagne, bubble baths and intimacy.  Because of the fatigue factor, it is preferable that these plans not always be relegated to the late evening.  This will require some ingenuity on both parts and perhaps some risk taking.  You do remember dating, don't you?

Make time for your friends.  It would be great if you and your friend or friends enjoyed the same hobby.  This way you would have the opportunity to practice your hobby and spend time with your friends.  Surveys have shown that 25% or more of the people surveyed stated that they have no one in whom to confide.  If you have a mate, this person should be your best friend.  Everyone needs someone in whom they can confide and share their joys and triumphs, frustrations and pain.  To have a friend one must be a friend.  Friends need to know that you are not a fair weather friend, but will be there with them through thick and thin.  If you have one really good friend in addition to your mate in a lifetime, you should consider yourself blessed.  For a really good friend, I would share my last biscuit, drive across country to post bail or visit, let them place their cold feet on my warm belly if it would ease their pain, hold them when they are hurting and listen.

 

STEP ELEVEN:

MAKE TIME PRODUCTIVE.  Work smarter not just harder. 

When you assign an associate, paralegal or secretary a task, do not let them reassign the task to you.  If they encounter a problem that requires some thought and return to your office, give them some direction.  Such as "have you considered etc.", "do you think so and so will work".  Encourage them to think.  Yes, it would be easier, quicker etc. to hand them the answer.  You have it on the tip of your tongue.  Swallow.  Encourage them to think.  Help them to gain confidence.  To grow in their decision making.  It will serve you better later and will help them in their own private lives.  A happier employee is a more productive employee.  Take the time to teach.  Give them a task on their own with some perimeter.  Let them run with it.  Take time to sit down and critique them in a constructive and encouraging way.  If you suggest changes, tell them why you think it would be better changed and be reasonable about it.  Help them to see that you are not just changing to make changes because you think you and your way is always better.  And don't major in minors.  If you can accept their efforts as your own, go with it.   If they see the only acceptable way of doing something is your way, you are only cloning.  This is not teaching, this is not growth.

These simple practices will build confidence in your employees, child, etc.  They will feel you have confidence in them.  They will feel more confidence in themselves.  They will become more responsible and you will have more confidence in them as a result thereof.

When everyone is operating at their highest and best and as a team more work gets done.  People are happier and growing in their job.  Best of all you will feel better about yourself in having brought this about and your workload will be lightened by not having to deal with the grunt work and making every little decision.  Use this newfound time to better your quality of life.